A few minutes ago, I came across this hilarious post on The New Yorker about the author imagining (or not) everything that is likely to happen if she asks a new acquaintance for coffee. While I’m still chuckling over the things written there, I decided to reimagine this scenario for myself and make a few tweaks. Given how nearly 973 hair on my head have gone grey during my time on social media, viz Twitter, I’m imagining this as a first time meet-up with someone who I know through Twitter (HEY SO WHAT IF I’M NOT AN INFLUENZA?). And some desi realities added of course.
1. I will DM them. They will not reply.
2. I will DM them again.
3. They will reply after 34 days and say they’re busy over their cousin’s wedding due to happen in two years.
I will DM them again.
5. They will reply and say yes. We will exchange 56 DMs and agree on a time and venue.
6. I will reach 45 minutes before the scheduled time. They will reach two hours later.
7. They will arrive, we will meet at the entrance. I will open the door on their face.
8. We will pull out our phones and check in on Swarm, Facebook, Pluto, Gotham City.
9. They will make funny hand gestures while placing their order and I’ll go ahead with an awkward pronunciation of cappuccino.
10. They will tell me about their latest trip to NYC and I’ll be wiping the mud off my 750rs jeans.
11. We’ll click selfies and 900 photos of the coffee and food for Instagram.
12. They’ll ask me to send the photos as soon as you get home ya because you know ya.
13. One friend I last spoke to in 1922 will suddenly spot me there and give awkward looks like I plan to rob his house.
14. Our phone will lose network coverage because you know ya 3G ya so bad ya.
15. We’ll still be staring into our phones.
16. I’ll try to be intense and spill the food on my clothes.
17. We’ll actually start talking to and liking each other.